Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
