first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
