All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
