i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This is the high leading the old right now
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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