1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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