I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
