stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
