I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
