I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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