You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
