there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
