Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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