Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
