I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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