I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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