I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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