At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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