Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So vagazzling was a success
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
