I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize