we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
