So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
