Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
