So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize