i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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