are you so shy because you have an std?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
