you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
sarcasm needs its own font
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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