He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
