You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
