and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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