dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
