is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
