she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
