If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
