dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
