am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
