I want to walk on stilts...naked
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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