My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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