marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
