good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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