If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
