dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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