Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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