Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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