for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
