You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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