i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize