He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
