what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
