I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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