I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
