Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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