My sheets look like a crime scene.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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