just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
