i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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