every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
