How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize