the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
