Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
