Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
