Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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