I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
