you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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