Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
