So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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