i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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