Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
vagina is talking i cant
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
