She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
